Starfish? Soldier? Yearner? How do you sleep? I fall firmly into the Fetus category of sleeping positions–curled up on my side–which, according to researchers at the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service, suggests that I am a tough cookie with a sensitive heart. (And yes, it’s true…underneath it all I am a big mush.)

Sleep scientists believe the position in which a person sleeps offers important clues about their personality. Director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service, Professor Chris Idzikowski, analyzed six common sleeping positions and found that each is associated with particular personality traits.

The Fetus
This is the most common sleeping position, adopted by 41 percent of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey. More than twice as many women as men tend to adopt this position. Those who curl up in the fetus position are described as tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. They may be shy when they first meet somebody, but soon relax.

The Log
Lying on your side with both arms down by your side is the sleep position favored by 14 percent of the people in the study. I’d adopt this position if it guaranteed sleeping like a log, but perhaps not at the risk of being naive. These sleepers are easy going, social people who like being part of the in-crowd, and who are trusting of strangers. However, they may be gullible.

The Yearner
13 percent of people sleep in the pose of the yearner–on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be suspicious and cynical. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have taken a decision, they are unlikely to change it.

Soldier
Are you one of the 8 percent who sleep lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides? Well hello, soldier. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don’t like a fuss, but set high standards for themselves and others. The soldier style is more likely to lead to snoring and a bad night’s sleep

The Freefaller
If you sleep on your stomach with your hands around the pillow and your head turned to one side, you sleep in the freefall position. You are probably often gregarious and brash, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don’t like criticism or extreme situations. Seven percent of sleepers assume this posture, which happens to be good for digestion.

The Starfish
About 5 percent choose to lay on their back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don’t like to be the center of attention. The starfish position is more likely to lead to snoring and a bad night’s sleep

What do you think? Are these researchers on to something?

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By: Allison Ford, DivineCaroline

Over the last few decades, touchy-feely self-help books have painted a picture of male-female relationships as something between an ongoing battle and a complete exercise in futility. They lecture that men and women are different, with completely different styles of communication, thinking, and behavior. They’re not just different sexes, they’re from entirely different planets, and never the twain shall meet.

If all these things were true, it would be a miracle that any two people managed to have a functioning relationship at all. Indeed, recent psychological research has shown that women and men are far more alike than they are different, and many of the things that we’re taught about the supposed differences in men’s and women’s brains are nothing but mere myths.

Myth #1: Men Are Better at Math
It’s been established that boys tend to do better on math tests and are more likely than girls to choose math-centric career paths, such as engineering, technology, and computers. The real problem, though, is not an actual biological handicap, but the perception that girls are inferior at math. Many tests, like one professors at the University of Texas and New York University conducted, found that when they tested groups of people who were primed to think about the bias against women, the women scored poorly, but in groups that were primed to think about gender-neutral subjects, the score gap disappeared. This “stereotype anxiety” is a well-known psychological phenomenon in testing, and many researchers now believe it accounts for much of girls’ lower performance on math tests.

Myth #2: Men Are More Competitive
In many societies, the stereotype is that men are competitive and women are collaborative. Some studies of Western subjects confirm this bias, but a study conducted by professors from Columbia University and the University of Chicago found surprising results in cultures that haven’t been subjected to this bias, such as the Masai, a patriarchal tribe from Tanzania, and the Khasi, a matrilineal group from India. In the patriarchal society, the men were more competitive than the women were, but in the matrilineal society, it was the women who were more competitive. The researchers interpreted their findings as evidence that there is no biological basis for competitive drive, and that differences between the sexes are merely social biases, reflecting the fact that young girls and boys are socialized differently.

Myth #3: Women Are More Emotional
In a study conducted by Vanderbilt University psychologist Ann Kring, male and female college students watching movies reported feeling the same levels of emotion, but the females felt more comfortable expressing them. In fact, many studies have shown that there’s no difference in the experiences of emotion between men and women, but since women are already perceived to be the more emotional sex, they consistently score higher than men on tests of emotional expression. According to a study published in the February 2004 issue of Sex Roles: a Journal of Research, male and female subjects were equally likely to express feelings of sympathy or lend support to friends, but often the circumstances surrounding the outward expression of emotion are highly dependent on the context, such as whether the subject is being watched by onlookers.

Myth #4: Women Are More Talkative
One popular stereotype claims that women speak tens of thousands of words per day, while men manage to utter only a few hundred. In fact, there’s virtually no difference between the number of words spoken by men and those spoken by women. A 2007 study at the University of Arizona monitored 396 college students and found that both the men and the women spoke an average of about sixteen thousand words per day, without any statistically significant difference between the sexes. In the June 2007 issue of Science magazine, researcher Matthias Mehl reported that the study’s three chattiest subjects actually happened to all be men, each of whom uttered about forty thousand words per day.

Myth #5: Women Are More Intuitive
Many women pride themselves on their powers of intuition, but new research reveals that intuitive, empathic thinking isn’t solely the province of ladies. A study conducted at the University of Hertfordshire in Great Britain tested subjects’ ability to decipher real smiles from fake ones. Although more women than men reported that they were “highly intuitive,” there was virtually no corresponding improvement in performance. Men detected 72 percent of the real smiles to women’s 71 percent. When asked specifically to decipher the expressions of the opposite sex, men did even better. They detected 76 percent of false female smiles, while women picked out only 67 percent of men’s fake smiles. Intuition is traditionally considered a female attribute, but research such as this shows that men’s and women’s abilities are just about even.

According to psychologist Janet Shibley Hyde, whose article “The Gender Similarities Hypothesis” was published in the September 2005 issue of the American Psychologist, there are only a few areas in which men and women are substantially different. They differ in measures of motor performance in tasks like speed and throwing power (since after puberty, men are bigger and have more muscle mass), and in certain facets of and attitudes about sexuality. Also, women and men differ in expression of aggression: men exhibit more physical aggression, while women score higher on tests of relational aggression and verbal bullying.

Reinforcing stereotypes about men and women is damaging; it can prevent people from expressing themselves, and it solidifies outdated gender roles. Some women may talk more than their husbands and some men may be more competitive than their wives, but those differences are created by society, not biology. Anyone who’s been in a marital argument can attest that sometimes it seems like his or her partner is on a separate planet. But the truth is that men and women are far more alike than we are different.

At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.

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By Nicole Duncan, Natural Solutions

Convinced it will rain on the party you’re planning this weekend—and it’s only Monday? Turns out, those six days of unnecessary, perceived stress quite literally can make you “worried sick,” according to a new study.

Perceived stress versus actual stress: “Actual stress is something you experience in the moment, like a giving a presentation at work, or fighting with your spouse,” says Jim Claussen, a chiropractor from Chicago. On the other hand, if you’re worried about the economy crashing or your 401(k), then you’re stressing over something you have no control over, and your stress is perceived, he says. Your body can recover from actual stress, but long-term perceived stress puts you in constant fight-or-flight mode, fatigues your adrenals, and compromises your immune system. “It’s as if you were to prop your car up on blocks, weigh the gas pedal down, and let it run all night,” says Claussen. “You can’t expect to walk into the garage the next morning and have any gas left.” The study found that people with the highest perceived stress had 80 percent fewer protective antibodies in their blood than those who were actually stressed out. Try these tips to help you chill out:

Put stress on a shelf. “It’s definitely an art,” says Claussen, “but if you can find an off button for your stressor, you’ll waste a lot less time and effort worrying about something you can’t control.” Remember that party you’re fretting about? Put your worries about the weather “on the shelf,” and come Saturday when it’s time to deal, “pull it off the shelf.”

Breathe with your belly. Lie down on the floor with a book on your belly. Inhale through your nose, feel the book rise, and hold for four seconds. Exhale all the air out through your mouth, letting the book lower. Repeat four times. Deep inhales stimulate your lungs and trigger the parasympathetic nervous system to put you in a calming state while deep exhales help drain the lymphatic system.

Meditate. Take 30 minutes out of your day to meditate, do yoga, or t’ai chi to help reduce stress hormones, slow down your heart rate and blood pressure, and balance your system.

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Everything we think of as ours, our bodies and minds and all the material things that make up our lives, has been given to us. The air we breathe and the water we drink are gifts. Everything we do in our work has been taught to us or given to us by someone else. All work, all business, is centered around giving - we give food, goods, services, and comfort.

The Zen tradition offers several different views and practices regarding generosity. Vietnamese teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says, “the greatest gift we can offer is our presence.” He goes on to explain that we can also offer our stability, our freedom, our happiness, our freshness and our peace. Here’s how:

Presence. Just being present to those we work with, just listening fully as a human being, is perhaps the greatest gift we can offer at work. So often we are caught up in our tasks and our busyness. Just stopping and being present can transform our environment and open us in unexpected ways.

Stability. We offer our stability by bringing a calm and clear mind to our work. We offer stability by staying out of the dramas, by not taking sides, by not wobbling. We offer our stability by just being ourselves, moment after moment.

Freedom. Offering our freedom is encouraging others by acting from our own independence, our own ability to make choices. We offer freedom by not being afraid to speak and act for what we deeply believe.

Happiness. Allowing ourselves to feel happy at work can be a tremendous act of generosity to ourselves and to those around us. Our own happiness is perhaps our dearest birthright, not to be ignored or sacrificed at work.

Freshness. Imagine coming to work, fresh and renewed, as if it were a new day, like no other day. Isn’t that a fact?

Peace. Our workplace is where peace can begin. Peace is not something that just happens but a moment-to-moment act, a practice of generosity.

The Zen teacher Dogen (7th century Japan) said, “When we understand completely, being born and dying are both forms of giving. All productive labor is fundamentally giving. Giving is to transform the mind of living beings. One should not calculate the greatness or smallness of the mind, nor the greatness or smallness of the thing. Nevertheless, there is a time when the mind transforms things, and there is giving in which things transform the mind.”

How often in our work lives are we so focused on tasks that we forget the importance of being present to our colleagues? At work we have many opportunities to be generous with our time, knowledge, and understanding. We can give others our trust and confidence.

The practice of generosity is giving ourselves over to what we are doing. The first step in Zen practice is to start where you are, to fully accept your strengths and weakness, your talents and your limitations. This is an act of generosity with yourself. Generosity is a vital ingredient in moving toward doing good and avoiding harm.

Decide to perform an act of generosity each week. Do something generous that is anonymous, without feeling pride. Just do it. Choose an act of generosity to practice - presence, stability, freedom, and so forth. Write it down. Notice what draws you to this practice as well as what hinders you from it. Notice how others practice or don’t practice generosity in your workplace.

Questions for Daily Practice
How do you practice generosity at work?
What prevents you from being generous at work?
Notice how it feels to give and to receive.
Are you more comfortable giving or receiving?
What parts of giving and receiving feel like hindrances? What opens you?

Adapted from Z.B.A. Zen of Business Administration. How Zen Practice Can Transform Your Work And Your Life

Marc Lesser is CEO of ZBA Associates LLC, a company providing executive coaching, leadership development consulting, and keynote speaking services to businesses and non-profits. He is a developer and instructor of Google’s Search Inside Yourself program. Marc was the founder and former CEO of Brush Dance publishing. Marc is a Zen teacher with an MBA degree; a former resident of the San Francisco Zen Center for 10 years, and graduate of NYU’s Stern School of Business. He is the author of Less: Accomplishing More By Doing Less and Z.B.A. Zen of Business Administration.

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By Gretchen Rubin, DivineCaroline

Everyone has a few tricks for beating the blues–things you do when you’re feeling down to try to boost your mood. It turns out, however, that several of the most popular strategies don’t actually work very well in the long-term. Beware if you are tempted to try any of the following.

1. Comforting yourself with a “treat.” Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a few beers…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself: Will it really make you feel better? It might make you feel worse.

2. Letting yourself off the hook. I’ve found that I sometimes get a real happiness boost from giving something up, quitting something, or breaking a bad habit. For example, I feel very happy about having given up fake food. When you’re feeling down, you might be tempted to let yourself off the hook, to think, “I’ll allow myself to skip my run today, I need a break.” In fact, sticking to a resolution will boost your sense of self-esteem and self-control. So NOT letting yourself off the hook might do more to boost your happiness.

3. Expressing your negative emotions. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it; as Plutarch observed, “Anger, while in its beginning, often can be ended by silence, or neglect.” I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to stay calm.

4. Turning off your phone. Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a mood boost from connecting with other people. Although it can be tempting to isolate yourself when you’re feeling unhappy, you’re better off making plans with friends or family.

5. Staying in your pajamas all day. One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in my happiness research is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As improbable as this sounds, it really works. Sometimes it can be fun to hang out in your sweats all day, but if you’re feeling lethargic, powerless, or directionless, not getting dressed is going to make you feel worse. Put on your clothes–including your shoes–so you feel prepared for whatever the day might offer. While you’re at it, make your bed.

Have you ever tried to cheer yourself up using a strategy that just made you feel worse in the end? What are some more effective ways to beat the blues?

Originally published on The Happiness Project

At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.

By Annie Tucker Morgan, DivineCaroline

In 2007, I had the good fortune to live on the island of Kauai, Hawaii, for a year. While I was there, fewer than sixty-five thousand permanent residents occupied this 622-square-mile Eden, which meant that there were almost as many roosters as there were humans living there. Far away from the clanging trains, rattling jackhammers, buzzing bumper-to-bumper traffic, and other city background noises that had been my daily soundtrack when I lived in California, I sensed my hearing acclimating to an entirely new set of tones: the music of nature. Each morning, exotic birds burst into song outside my window. Many an evening, deafening tropical rain hammered the roof of my house. And in the middle of the night when the swells were up, I could hear the steady hum of waves crashing in the distance. It was amazing.

Back in the real world, we’re exposed to a cacophony of different noises–some relaxing, some jarring, others so constant or droning as to go largely unrecognized. And though everyone’s aural preferences are individualistic, certain tones have more power than others to lift our mood, wake us up, and even improve our concentration. What are the sweetest sounds we hear?

1. Hydrotherapy
Whether it’s a babbling brook, waves breaking onshore, the steady rush of a waterfall, or the drumming of a rain shower, the sound of water is unprecedented in its ability to calm our jangled nerves and lull us to sleep–just ask the droves of music producers who earn their livelihood by recording aquatic melodies and selling them to insomniacs and stressed-out individuals. The secret to water sounds– relaxing effects may lie in the primal rhythms they contain, which help people regulate their breathing, quiet their minds, and call forth memories of blissful time they’ve spent in nature.

2. Snap, Crackle, Pop
Certain repetitive sounds have the opposite effect water does: each sonic burst is a mini-pick-me-up. These noises include dry autumn leaves, hard-packed snow, or loose gravel crunching underfoot, as well as bacon grease popping in a frying pan. Like a rushing river, such sounds have a rhythm all their own, but it’s more staccato and therefore more invigorating. In addition, the sound of a car rolling up a gravel driveway can fill listeners with excitement as they anticipate the arrival of a long-awaited guest.

3. Light My Fire
Whether it’s outside at a campground or inside in a fireplace, the crackling of a fire is mesmerizing to most people; it hypnotizes them into a drowsy, quiet state, punctuated by an occasional mm-hmm. These hearthside sounds may resonate because of humans’ age-old fascination with fire, one of the first tools they used to consciously manipulate their natural environment to keep themselves warm, cook their food, and even herd animals.

Nocturnal gatherings around fires at night were also some of the earliest social gatherings, spurring communication and fostering relationships. Many millennia later, the sound of a fire may trigger some primitive memory of this turning point in human evolution

4. Laugh-In
If laughter is indeed the best medicine, then an infant’s delighted squeals as she discovers her own toes or a toddler’s raucous giggles when he’s being tickled are the ultimate panacea. The pure, unself-conscious joy that children’s laughter projects is contagious; it liberates adults from their day-to-day stresses by reminding them of more innocent and carefree times. And for the parents of youngsters, their kids’ belly laughs can be a reassuring sign that all is well psychologically and that the parents are making sound child-rearing decisions.

5. Noise Pollution
Ironically, one of the most widely used therapeutic sounds is not a single tone at all, but rather a combination of all sonic frequencies playing simultaneously: white noise. So named for its similarity to white light–which is not an absence of color, but a mixture of all colors–white noise works by absorbing all background noise and “reprogramming” it as a steadier, more calming buzz, not unlike the sound of radio static. As a result, it’s an effective sleep aid, a treatment for tinnitus, and a concentration booster (to block out the distracting sounds of noisy coworkers, for example).

6. And the Winner Is…
In 1935, two Bell Labs researchers named Harvey Fletcher and W.A. Munson conducted an investigation into human hearing that remains the most renowned study of its kind to this day. In measuring the frequencies that the ear is most responsive to, Fletcher and Munson discovered that people’s favorite sound of all is that of the human voice, which falls right within the ideal range of frequencies (300-3,000 Hertz) for our hearing. The only question is, did our voices evolve to suit our ears, or was it the other way around?

At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.